Memorial Day

So this has been by far the hardest Memorial Day I've ever had. I kinda went through it without being there. Does that make any since what so ever? My mother and I have always gone over to our families graves and put flowers down and talked about who the were and all that jazz. Well this year I did it without my mother. Joe along with the kids went with me but it wasn't the same. First off I can't remember who half of these people are. I know the names and where they are laid to rest but I don't know how they are related to me. Even with my mother going over who they are year after year I didn't actually think I would need to retain this info for many many years to come. And for the fact that we actually hadn't been for the past 2 years didn't help. I felt horrible the last 2 years for not going, but I had just had a baby last year and the year before that we were out of town. I mean I don't have anyone around to actually tell me who they are anymore. How am I going to pass this on to my kids? Of course I know like grandparents and great grandparents but passed that I don't know. I know the names and that's it. It also made it harder for me that I don't have a "place" to honor my mother. She wanted to be cremated and so we respected that. My sister and brother and I all agreed we would take apart of her. She is in my home but I don't feel like its enough. I want others to know her as well be able to have that place. Because I know that when I lost my great grandmother it was comforting to have that place. This has been a hard couple of days as the 23rd was her birthday and then today. I smile for all the joy she gave and cry for all the joy I will miss. I also lost a friend when we were 19. He was a wonderful person through and through. I hadn't been to his grave site in about 3 years. When I went today it was hard, because on his headstone is his senior picture. He was so young, and was full of promise and it kinda hit me about how my life has changed since then (6 years) and how he will forever remain that age.